What is sex and love addiction?
A simple answer is out of control sexual behaviour.
It’s a compulsive need to engage in sexual or romantic behaviours despite the negative consequences it brings. These behaviours can include pornography, sex with strangers, excessive masturbation and compulsive dating or relationships.
Sexual addiction has nothing to do with moral judgments on sexual behaviour. Ironically, sexual addiction is not about sex, it's about a behaviour that you're unable to control through your own will.
For something to be an addiction, there must be clear patterns of behaviour that are compulsive and that you cannot stop even though you want to. Even when it violates your values and results in negative, often disastrous consequences.
You may ask: is recovery from sex and love addiction possible? The answer is yes. There is a clear, structured path to recovery. You can regain control of your life and begin the process of healing for yourself and your relationships.
Start processing emotions, beliefs, intimacy disorder and family of origin
In the journey of recovery from sex and love addiction, it is crucial to begin processing the deep-seated emotions and beliefs that underly and contribute to the addictive behaviour. This involves exploring the roots of intimacy disorders and examining the impact of family of origin dynamics on current relationship patterns. By delving into these areas, you can gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your behaviours.
Building the life and relationships that you want
Recovery from sex and love addiction involves creating a life and relationships that align with your personal values and goals. This process includes identifying and pursuing healthy and fulfilling activities, hobbies and interests. It also involves cultivating healthy and authentic connections with others, fostering supportive relationships and establishing boundaries that promote well-being.
Tools for each level: Therapy and 12-step groups
Therapy and participation in 12-step groups are essential tools for recovery from sex and love addiction. Individual therapy provides a safe and supportive space to explore underlying issues, develop coping strategies and gain insights into patterns of behaviour. 12-step groups, such as Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) or Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), offer a supportive community of individuals who have experienced similar challenges and provide guidance, accountability and a structured program for recovery.
Recovery for partners: Trauma, discovery, disclosure and beyond
If you’re the partner of a sex and love addict, there is also a structured path for healing. You may have experienced profound trauma as a result of the betrayal and deception. The recovery journey for partners involves addressing the trauma and its effects, which can include symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It also encompasses the stages of discovery, disclosure and establishing new boundaries. Partners work towards understanding themselves and their needs, defining what they want for their future and finding ways to achieve their goals.
Recovery for relationships: Healing, growth and creating a new path
Despite the damage caused by sex and love addiction, many couples find a path to healing and choose to stay together. Underneath the addiction, there is often a foundation of love and shared experiences that can serve as a basis for rebuilding the relationship. However, creating a new relationship requires addressing past hurts, grieving the losses and working together to define what the future holds. This process involves developing tools for successful communication, resolving conflicts and nurturing a healthy, fulfilling partnership. The journey of recovery for relationships can be likened to the growth of a flower, where careful attention and nurturing allow for the blossoming of renewed connection.